Photo copyright – Renee Heath
I did nothing when El Presidente poured the boiling water over Jorge’s head. I only stood there. Watched his skin melt away. Didn’t say a word. Didn’t implicate myself.
Normally, El Presidente leaves the torture for the good folks who run his dungeons. Jorge was a special case. His crimes-our crimes-were too great.
I don’t know why he didn’t betray me, but he didn’t.
I don’t know why I didn’t help him.
I was five meters away.
It would have been so easy to draw my gun and put a bullet in El Presidente’s skull.
But I didn’t.
—
This story was written for Friday Fictioneers. I almost didn’t post one this week. My first three attempts resulted in stories that weren’t even remotely worth sharing-I’m not even sure this one was worth sharing-and I’m going away for awhile this weekend so I won’t have a lot of time for reading the others, but I’ll try to at least get a handful read.
May 2nd, 2014 at 9:27 PM
Now wait a minute. Is it you who are the monster or the character in the story? I suppose a case could be made for either.
Well done, and not just the guy’s head!
May 2nd, 2014 at 9:34 PM
I’m going to say the answer to your question is probably that we’re both monsters.
May 2nd, 2014 at 9:53 PM
i love this story, Adam - how this character struggles within to find answers to the bewildering behavior that could have gone in a totally different direction, only if he/she took action.
May 2nd, 2014 at 10:51 PM
It was well worth posting. My only complain would be that I’d like to know more.
May 2nd, 2014 at 11:04 PM
I love the feel of the first sentence, which rolls into the rest of the narrative, and the story also ends with a powerful feeling of regret.
May 2nd, 2014 at 11:44 PM
this could be a longer story - chilling with intrigue about the back story.
May 3rd, 2014 at 3:41 AM
Adam, I agree that this would make a good story if longer. It does well as a stand alone, but is a great hook for something longer. Well done. :)
Susan
May 3rd, 2014 at 6:44 AM
Great story - there’s a lot packed in: the guilt of standing by in particular. How do you live with yourself after that, especially when Jorge didn’t implicate him. Really enjoyed this, you got my brain a-buzzing!
May 3rd, 2014 at 8:51 AM
This perfectly illustrates the age old question of how people can just stand by when evil is being done. How do you accept the fact that your inaction makes you as guilty as the one committing the crime? Very well written:)
May 3rd, 2014 at 9:21 AM
Adam, that’s an interesting look at his internal turmoil. I wonder if he is slowly going over to the President’s side or if he is just scared. Good story.
May 3rd, 2014 at 1:38 PM
Great story, Adam. Perhaps he’s paralyzed with fear. Your character is obviously in turmoil where maybe he could go either way.
May 3rd, 2014 at 2:37 PM
Great beginning to a longer story.
Maybe his shot would have give away his position and the secret mission would be over.
May 4th, 2014 at 1:24 AM
I shudder at the thought of the guy’s skin melting away. These secret missions/spying or whatever sound exciting in principle but I expect when push came to shove self-preservation took over and he froze. I reckon that’s why he didn’t blow El Presidente away.
May 4th, 2014 at 1:49 AM
Adam, throw in the towel: this is more than good enough! I really enjoyed this. Dark, troubling, but well done!
May 4th, 2014 at 5:06 AM
Dear Adam,
I’m glad you decided to post this one. Many facets to this piece. I could go on, but I won’t. Suffice it to say it’s a stellar piece of writing.
Shalom,
Rochelle
May 4th, 2014 at 3:16 PM
There are so many practical reasons he may not have done so, but there’s only one non-monster in this story. That choice would be difficult to live with, no matter the reason he made the choice. A thought-provoking story about difficult decisions.
janet
May 5th, 2014 at 9:40 AM
Nicely done, Adam. I’m glad you posted. Even if he saved his friend by killing El Presidente they all would have been dead in the end. Sometimes there isn’t another choice.